blog, blogging, Brave, Call of the Universe, Change the world, choices, Clarity, Community, connection, courage, divorce, God, God box, healing, higher power, human kindness, humanity, let go and let God, social media, Source, spiritual awakening, spiritual journey, stay at home mom, surrender, trust, trusting God, unity, Universe, use your talent, use your voice, Utopia society, Vision, writing

God Thing

12/17/17

Just like he,
I was created to be a conduit
Of creativity
It flows through me.

And your love,
I was created for it to flow through me
Endlessly,
For me to give and receive.

Spit apart,
Torn from the whole,
We’re one and the same
You and me.

I now can see I once was up there with you.
You being God
And me being God.

Then I was cut out
Like a piece from a mound of clay
And I could see that others would follow
As I floated away.

And now I know why I am God
Because although I no longer see you
I saw us together and I saw us apart
My being is part of you.

You are the substance of me
And now I see
That God is not just in me
God is all of me.

acceptance, awake, Call of the Universe, Change the world, Clarity, Community, compassion, connection, Consciousness, deflation of ego, denial, ego, facing the truth, Family of origin, hiding, honesty, humanity, inner child, insecure attachment, isolation, law of attraction, letting go, living authentically, loneliness, memoirs, mental illness, mentally ill parent, one human family, one human race, one humanity, overcoming fear, parent with mental illness, poem, poetry, Positive Affirmations, positive thinking, raised by grandparents, reality, Self acceptance, self awareness, Self-love, shame, social stigma, spiritual awakening, surrender, terminal uniqueness, trapped, trauma, Tribe, truth, unity, Universe, use your voice, Utopia society, vulnerability, Vulnerability is not weakness, woke

Secrets

IMG_0412

3/4/17

Why do we hide
What’s truly inside
Pretending that we’re all the same?
But what we don’t know
Until we let it go
Is we are all truly the same.

 

 

 

@_gypsy_eyez, acceptance, African American women, black women, Call of the Universe, child abuse survivor, dealing with emotions, facing fear, Fear, healing, honesty, Ju Ju, June Lejoi, know thyself, let go and let God, loneliness, memoirs, mixed black and white, mixed race, multi-racial, multiracial, negative bias against black women, negative portrayal of black women in media, overcoming fear, poem, poetry, Self acceptance, self esteem, self hate, Self-love, shame, spiritual awakening, spiritual journey, transformation, Universe, use your talent, use your voice, voice, vulnerability

Perfection

131cdd10-f4b2-4c49-9d0b-732a30eb88c1

2/24/17

As I sit and feel the sadness
That I’ve been so desperately trying to escape
I know it comes from deep within
My muscles
My joints
They hold this heartache.
It tells me lies that feel so true
You are not enough
They don’t want you,
Your body
Your mind
Your personality
Your brown skin.
At 42 with two young children,
Prepare to be alone forever.
That’s the message I see when I look out
That’s the message I hear when I look within.
Storms
I’ve been warned that they are coming
I’ve been encouraged that I’m strong enough to face them.
Fear, sadness and guilt have kept me frozen.
But you deserve more than that,
And I want more too.

abandonment, Consciousness, higher power, isolation, loneliness, mixed race, Self care, Tribe, Universe

Love You’re Not Alone

1/31/17
When I said I would stand by you,
I was talking to you.
My tribe,
You don’t belong to me 
And I don’t belong to you,
Yet you have touched my life and changed me.
Our collective loving energy
Is a life line for the drowning,
(That was me)
And a spark in even the darkest places.
Some of you I know intimately 
Others I will never meet 
You are not alone
You are loved
My little loves,
You may feel as if you’re walking through hell right now, 
But you are not alone, and this too will pass
I will always be with you, and we will be okay 
You also have your own Higher Power
Lovingly caring for you every day
You are not alone 
You are loved 
Myself,
One day, I will learn to put you first, instead of last
I’m committed to loving you
To caring for you
I will not abandon you anymore 
You are not alone 
You are loved
acceptance, blog, blogger, blogging, choices, Clarity, codependency, connection, dealing with emotions, divorce, emotional affair, Emotions, escaping reality, facing the truth, faith, First things first, God, healing, higher power, honesty, insecure attachment, know thyself, let go and let God, letting go, loneliness, loss, love, marriage, marriage therapy, memories, obsessive thoughts, one day at a time, reality, Self acceptance, self awareness, Sitting with the pain, spiritual journey, sponsor, sponsorship, surrender, therapy, Thy will be done, transformation, trapped, trusting God, Universe, writing

All In 100%

IMG_8922

10/25/16
My friend was right.  The outer rings are where transformation takes place.  It’s so uncomfortable there that you can’t stay long.  You’re either moving in, back to healthy living and healthy choices.  Or your moving out, come what may.

I’ve been in the outer rings for almost a week now.   It’s been so painful, nearly unbearable.  But today, through many conversations I finally got the message.  I can’t be 100% all in for my marriage and hold on to my plan B at the same time.
I’ve decided that I owe it to myself and to my children to give the next 6 months of marriage therapy my 100%, to be all in on a heart level, no matter what the outcome.  I also realized today, that I’m gripping so tightly to my plan B, so afraid to let it go.  Why is that?  I don’t even know who he is.  I don’t know if he is available.  I don’t know if he’s safe or honest.  Maybe the whole experience was just a big joke on me, or worse, maybe it was just all in my head.   Yet, this connection (that most of the people in my life call a fantasy) has such a grip on my heart.  I guess therapy will help me uncover why.  I mean, what do I really hope to gain by pursuing this?
I’m praying to let go of my plan B.  Only then will I be able to fully give my marriage a chance to survive.  It takes me trusting God to bring into, and out of, my life exactly whom I need. Right now, God has brought my husband into my life.  My husband says that he is 100% all in to make our marriage work.
Thy will be done.