My friend was right. The outer rings are where transformation takes place. It’s so uncomfortable there that you can’t stay long. You’re either moving in, back to healthy living and healthy choices. Or your moving out, come what may.
I’ve been in the outer rings for almost a week now. It’s been so painful, nearly unbearable. But today, through many conversations I finally got the message. I can’t be 100% all in for my marriage and hold on to my plan B at the same time.
I’ve decided that I owe it to myself and to my children to give the next 6 months of marriage therapy my 100%, to be all in on a heart level, no matter what the outcome. I also realized today, that I’m gripping so tightly to my plan B, so afraid to let it go. Why is that? I don’t even know who he is. I don’t know if he is available. I don’t know if he’s safe or honest. Maybe the whole experience was just a big joke on me, or worse, maybe it was just all in my head. Yet, this connection (that most of the people in my life call a fantasy) has such a grip on my heart. I guess therapy will help me uncover why. I mean, what do I really hope to gain by pursuing this?
I’m praying to let go of my plan B. Only then will I be able to fully give my marriage a chance to survive. It takes me trusting God to bring into, and out of, my life exactly whom I need. Right now, God has brought my husband into my life. My husband says that he is 100% all in to make our marriage work.
Thy will be done.