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God Thing

12/17/17

Just like he,
I was created to be a conduit
Of creativity
It flows through me.

And your love,
I was created for it to flow through me
Endlessly,
For me to give and receive.

Spit apart,
Torn from the whole,
We’re one and the same
You and me.

I now can see I once was up there with you.
You being God
And me being God.

Then I was cut out
Like a piece from a mound of clay
And I could see that others would follow
As I floated away.

And now I know why I am God
Because although I no longer see you
I saw us together and I saw us apart
My being is part of you.

You are the substance of me
And now I see
That God is not just in me
God is all of me.

@_gypsy_eyez, acceptance, African American women, black women, Call of the Universe, child abuse survivor, dealing with emotions, facing fear, Fear, healing, honesty, Ju Ju, June Lejoi, know thyself, let go and let God, loneliness, memoirs, mixed black and white, mixed race, multi-racial, multiracial, negative bias against black women, negative portrayal of black women in media, overcoming fear, poem, poetry, Self acceptance, self esteem, self hate, Self-love, shame, spiritual awakening, spiritual journey, transformation, Universe, use your talent, use your voice, voice, vulnerability

Perfection

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2/24/17

As I sit and feel the sadness
That I’ve been so desperately trying to escape
I know it comes from deep within
My muscles
My joints
They hold this heartache.
It tells me lies that feel so true
You are not enough
They don’t want you,
Your body
Your mind
Your personality
Your brown skin.
At 42 with two young children,
Prepare to be alone forever.
That’s the message I see when I look out
That’s the message I hear when I look within.
Storms
I’ve been warned that they are coming
I’ve been encouraged that I’m strong enough to face them.
Fear, sadness and guilt have kept me frozen.
But you deserve more than that,
And I want more too.

anon 12 step program, healing, higher power, letting go, live and let live, loneliness, meditation, obsessive thoughts, one day at a time, slogans, staying on my side of the street

Morning Meditation

1/28/17
I realized in my morning meditation time that I would need extra support on this day.  I found myself referring back to these thoughts for the day many times throughout my day.  It helped a lot…..
Thoughts For the Day-

One Day at a Time: “Focus on what I can do today, not regretting the past or fearing the future.  Solve today’s problem by doing one small thing today.” Higher Power’s got this πŸ™πŸ½.

Live and Let Live: “Other people have the right to live their lives as they choose.  When I focus obsessively on others actions, choices and feelings I am taking energy away from myself, energy that is wasted and can’t be regained.  When I waste my life’s energy, I’m not taking care of myself.”  Focus on what is my business.  Stay on my side of the street, and make it awesome 😎.
*Quotes taken from books that are helping me through my healing process.
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All In 100%

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10/25/16
My friend was right.  The outer rings are where transformation takes place.  It’s so uncomfortable there that you can’t stay long.  You’re either moving in, back to healthy living and healthy choices.  Or your moving out, come what may.

I’ve been in the outer rings for almost a week now.   It’s been so painful, nearly unbearable.  But today, through many conversations I finally got the message.  I can’t be 100% all in for my marriage and hold on to my plan B at the same time.
I’ve decided that I owe it to myself and to my children to give the next 6 months of marriage therapy my 100%, to be all in on a heart level, no matter what the outcome.  I also realized today, that I’m gripping so tightly to my plan B, so afraid to let it go.  Why is that?  I don’t even know who he is.  I don’t know if he is available.  I don’t know if he’s safe or honest.  Maybe the whole experience was just a big joke on me, or worse, maybe it was just all in my head.   Yet, this connection (that most of the people in my life call a fantasy) has such a grip on my heart.  I guess therapy will help me uncover why.  I mean, what do I really hope to gain by pursuing this?
I’m praying to let go of my plan B.  Only then will I be able to fully give my marriage a chance to survive.  It takes me trusting God to bring into, and out of, my life exactly whom I need. Right now, God has brought my husband into my life.  My husband says that he is 100% all in to make our marriage work.
Thy will be done.